“Are We On Jake Who Dat or Chicks In The Huddle” Edition 1

Posted: July 31, 2008 in Saints

So I stumbled on someone else’s wordpress blog; someone who likes to put his own spin on people in the world of sports, and found this; a hurricane commemorative jersey for the New Orleans Saints. I don’t know. Is one lucky fan going to have Reggie Bush for lunch at his special Saints experience birthday party (finally, a birthday suit everyone can look at, although Nola Chick would have objections to the new edition), or maybe he’s just getting ready for bed. (Nice pants)

Anyway, see what you think for this story written by that same guy. It’s getting a little to close to the season for me to do all the talking, so I’ll let this guy do it. (Plus, I’m a lot funnier talking about stuff like this.

The morning that Hurricane Katrina smashed into New Orleans, John McCain enjoyed his birthday cake with George Bush in Arizona, taking time to pose for the press instead of addressing the chaos that was engulfing Louisiana. This was just one of the many horrifying mistakes the U.S. government made in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, but for a brief period the general public failed to notice the government’s severe ineptitude. Fortunately, a strong public backlash, led by the megalomaniac Kanye West and his famous fundraiser comments brought the nation together in distaste for their political leaders. The government realized they needed a feel good story to get the public’s mind off their horrible Hurricane mistakes. The politicians theorized that a winning season for the New Orleans Saints would serve as the perfect symbol of the city’s successful rejuvenation. It’s easier for the government to show off a rebuilt football team instead of a rebuilt New Orleans, so major political officials secretly met with the NFL and concocted a plan to ensure the Saints a winning season and get the nation’s mind off their inability to protect American citizens.

With the help of the NFL conspiracy, the Saints were able to go 10-6 in the regular season and win the NFC South, enjoying the most successful season in the team’s history after floundering like oil executives in a Senate hearing the previous year. The conspiracy became all too clear in the Monday Night Football game against the Atlanta Falcons. This was the Saint’s first home game of the 2006 season, and it was the second most-watched cable television broadcast in history, the government had a large audience to brainwash.

Prior to the game Atlanta had the number one rushing offense and New Orleans had one of the worst rushing defenses. The Saints were coming off a dismal year, and it seemed like there was no chance they would win. However, after the NFL secretly injected Saints players with super-enhancer performance drugs supplied by the government, the Saints were able to crush the heavily favored Falcons. These super-enhancers were tested on American soldiers in Vietnam as well as Barry Bonds, and while previous batches made the subjects go insane and hallucinate, the final super-enhancer mixture actually increased reaction time and strength. How else do you explain the famous blocked punt during the game and the Saints ungodly domination of a team that was destined to destroy them?

The NFL didn’t want to inject the Saints with super-enhancers every game, it would have made the conspiracy too obvious, but they made sure the Saints won just enough games to build an inspiring season, but not arise unwanted suspicion. After their inspirational 2006 run the government stopped supplying the Saints with performance enhancers and they finished the next season with an unimpressive 7 and 9 record. Another NFL conspiracy successfully completed.” –Vivek Narain

I don’t know. I’m staying out of it. Feel free to drop in about the “birthday suit” or the clever story. Yes you have to admit it was clever. Well ummmm maybe a little. I give it a B-.

Comments
  1. nolachick says:

    Several problems with this
    a) I fully expected that a “Reggie Bush Birthday Suit” reference would almost certainly guarantee at least a partially nude pic of said Saint player.
    b) someone actually believes our government would think anything out this carefully?

  2. […] starts, while others still need some time in a confessional booth. But the big question might be whether the 2006 season was a government conspiracy. Seemingly, fears and insecurities abound at this time in training camp as people look to make up […]

  3. […] Crazy conspiracy theories aside, isn’t it a little odd that, a weekend after having practice shortened by bad weather for just the second time in the Sean Payton era, that the New Orleans Saints signed a defensive tackle that last played for a team called “the Storm.” All the while, tropical storm Edouard threatens the Louisiana coastline? Is it also odd that the Saints are also looking at a wide receiver from the Storm, and that said Arena League team plays same city as the Saints Week 1 opponent? […]

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